Malechallengemedia's Blog

Michael Flood – ANU –

Efforts to end violence against women must address men. This notion is increasingly accepted in violence prevention circles. More generally, there is growing international support for the belief that we must involve men in efforts to build gender equality.

The growing emphasis on the need to address men in ending violence against women is fuelled by three key insights. First and most importantly, violence prevention must address men because largely it is men who perpetrate this violence.

Second, constructions of masculinity play a crucial role in shaping violence against women: at the individual level, in families and relationships, in communities, and societies as a whole.

These first two insights boil down to the point that we have no choice but to address men and masculinities if we want to stop violence against women. However, violence prevention work with men has been fuelled also by a third and more hopeful insight: that men have a positive role to play in helping to stop violence against women. Violence is an issue of concern to women and men alike and men have a stake in ending violence against women.

the full article is available as a PDF click below

http://www.xyonline.net/sites/default/files/FloodInvolvingmen08.pdf

I’m 63 and have worked in Physical and Outdoor Education since I was 15.  I have tried to help children and adults find ways to exercise, eat well, and stay healthy—today I am gratified that so many people are embracing a healthy lifestyle.

Great achievements … now to the next level. The more I worked with young men through the decades, the more I have appreciated the importance of emotional fitness; in fact I now believe it is crucial to our personal development and happiness—as well as being a key factor in ending violence–and of course, saving the planet.

To demonstrate that physical fitness alone is not enough to guarantee happiness or underpin a creative and productive life; I’ve previously used the poor behaviours of Australian sports icons such as Ben Cousin, Wayne Carey, Shane Warne, Greg Bird (sorry guys) and other players.

These sportsmen had much in common. They were very fit, made lots of money, were good looking, were sought after by women; BUT could not control their poor behaviour against women, or other people. Some struggled with alcohol or drug taking (a form of violence against the self), and some were blatantly misogynist. Then add Tiger Woods.

It was the emotional and psychological fitness that was missing! BUT – It is not just sportsmen that ruin their lives in this way. I’ve also talked about US ex-president Bill Clinton who also appeared to ‘have it all’ – the money, the good looks, the good health, charisma, status and a great potential to bring about peace in many parts of the world.

Addiction to women was his undoing (like popular president of the 60′s – JFK) and Clinton’s addiction almost guaranteed that an extreme right wing president would be elected—George Bush, whose ‘war on terror,’ born from the old dominator male mindset, caused the loss of many lives and failed to address the root causes of terrorism. (Note the limited success of a ‘war’ on anything—poverty, drugs, pollution and so on – it is a ‘dominator’ approach.)

In future articles we will talk more about how to build emotional and psychological fitness and courage. I believe this is the next evolutionary step for males—an enormous step which will enable humans to deal with massive challenges of our times. I say this without blame because when I was a less conscious man, I made or was capable of making all the mistakes made by the men I’ve mentioned above.

Here’s the thing – many of these men could become unstoppable leaders when they build their emotional fitness and courage—with a long course in emotional fitness they would truly be ‘fit to lead.’

A recent poll in the Australian revealed high levels of scepticism over the efficacy and sincerity of 2020. Were the 1000 community members truly representative? I don’t know but I’d like to find out.

Currently I have no way of assessing the summit other than to say that it must be given a chance. No government has ever tried this before, and, since we, the people, were invited to give input, its success may depend on us as much as the Prime Minister. I note that India is about to organise a similar event. Hopefully these are signs of governments becoming more conscious.

Having recently been involved in the at the local 2020 meeting organised by Justine Elliot and staff, in the seat of Richmond, I for one, intend to keep the momentum. Frankly I’d rather be surfing but I believe we have no choice ! We all need to do our bit. Our survival, along with that of all the innocent species that don’t have a voice, depends on us doing things differently.

One thing is certian – we (humans) need to become smarter and more conscious—fast. We need to become a new breed of people with radical integrity, who have a broad and holistic mindset—broad enough to tackle and solve the tsunami that builds as we speak. To do this collectively we need to work on ourselves and clean up our inner backyards. Our leaders need to be wiser and more integrous than ever before.

One man who understands the seriousness of the looming tsunami but one who also proposes solutions is Lester Brown, author of “Plan B 3.0.”

http://www.truthout.org/docs_2006/042208T.shtml

Lester shows us how we can change in enough time to save life on earth, as we know it. Enjoy!

http://www.truthout.org/docs_2006/042208T.shtml

Send in your success stories about men making positive changes.

My partner Grace and I, on a recent beach stroll, passed a friend who was holding hands with his teen age nephew. We were warmed by the sight and we both commented that many men are making positive changes in Australia. Later we noticed a number of proud dads pushing a stroller and  a few others with a baby in a carry sling.

These male behaviours, long established in certain European countries, are indicative of Aussi blokes becoming more nurturant and involved with their children. More and more men are embracing the consciousness of partnership and shifting away from the old “power-over” or “dominator” method of structuring society.

Some of us may find those actions threatening in some ways. Sadly we have been programmed to be more comfortable with pictures of men fighting than holding hands. One thing is for sure – with humanity’s enormous military and industrial powers, the planet will not be saved by more of the old warrior mentality.

Today many prominent sports stars are also modelling healthier forms of masculinity and they provide some balance to the bad role modelling of men like Carey, Warne, Cousins, Henjak and D’Arcy, who, did not have a solid healthy masculine core to draw upon.

Kris Massie, from the AFL club the Adelaide Crows, is one young man working to improve himself and use his sport to model healthy and sustainable forms of masculinity. Kriss was featured in my book “Kicking a Goal for Masculinity” where he talks about the influence of good masculinity role models within the AFL

I’m proud of all the men who are doing the hard work to improve themselves – I know for myself I had to expose many shadows lurking in the hidden corners of my being. I know it takes big heart muscle to look at the unsavoury parts of ourselves without resorting to drugs, sexual addiction, alcohol, or other “soothers” as a bandaid or crutch for the pain we must face.

I’ve long said that big heart muscle, big heart courage, big heart integrity are the most important qualities for men to build and are the basis of emotional fitness – the fitness that can make or break our lives.

After all, how can we save the planet if our leaders do not have those qualities and how will we recognise them if we don’t have them in ourselves?

Please write and tell me if you have some stories of men courageously striving to become more conscious and I’ll feature them on my website.

Happy growing – Pip Cornall

When Sydney Morning Herald journalist, Keith Austin interviewed Pip Cornall for the article which in Spectrum Magazine in the SMH, (see front page) they both discovered they had been positively influenced by Steve Biddulph’s book, “Manhood” written around 1994. Keith told Pip that after reading Steve’s book he made some changes in the way he lived his life including spending more time with his son.

Following in the spirit of Steve’s Manhood book, Kicking a Goal for Masculinity, is aimed at the sporting community who are invited to develop and promote a healthy form of masculinity for boys and young men. Since sport plays a huge role in shaping masculinity for many boys and young men – it is the ideal vehicle through which to educate and encourage sportsmen to adopt positive masculine behaviours and ideologies.

Sporting identities, along with coaches, officials, players and spectators -by  supporting wholesome masculine norms, can  play a prominent role in reducing sexism, violence against women, youth violence and dependency on alcohol and drugs.

It’s a win/win Keith and Pip agree. The mums, dads, the players, officals, the sponsors of clubs, the whole community, stand to benefit. If Kicking a Goal for Masculinity prevents just one rape or incident of domestic violence, if it helps young men stay away from drugs and alcohol, it is worth it.

But the book and the movement it inspires, just like Steve Biddulph’s book, it can be more impactful than helping one or two individuals. With a concerted effort by the sporting community, macho men, the sport alcohol link, sexism and violence against women may be a thing of the past as they are in some countries.

Since my reunion with Grace Gawler, I’ve been involved in her cancer healing practice.

I observe a similarity between cancer and the old male paradigm which is not sustainable. Like cancer it eventually destroys the host that it needs for its own survival– that’s really dumb.

So I keep finding ways to get the message across.

It’s time to get real – very real. We’re all in the same boat and from many perspectives, its sinking fast. That’s both good news and bad news. The bad news is obvious; it’s an awesome planet with snow and surf and music and wonderful creatures along with some great people and a bunch more who are asleep – we are gunna lose all that without major changes.

The good news is a little more obscure -it’s about opportunity. That’s right; the current global crisis is another choice point or opportunity for our human family to grow wise.

Since it’s my passion to empower men to save themselves and maybe save the planet along the way, we men need to keep looking at our male programming. I said it above. It is time to get “real” – that’s right it’s time to become real, “real men”- to become authentic and that takes courage and inegrity.

We can’t save the planet without those qualities. Life is wonderfully precious, we are meant to be fit, find love, feel good, contribute, be creative. We were not given a life to end up violent, killed, binge drinking, drugged dumb, suicided or in prison – yet that is what many of our young men do.

Damn, I’m angry about that! Most of the boys and men I’ve met in prisons or juvenile detention centres are not bad guys – they just made stupid stupid stupid choices backed by powerful and awfully Neanderthal programming – the -’ be a man’ programming.

There are so many healthy ways to be happy and have wonderful and fullfilling lives that it is just plain dumb that so much of the male programing aims at turning us into violent alcoholic morons. Add some porn addictions or sexual weirdness into that mix as well.

So lets us men tap into the wisdom we all have inside us. Yep even some of our sporting heroes, guys like Tiger Woods, Wayne Carey, Ben Cousins, Sam Newman and poor ole Nick D’Arcy, have a chance to become wise men and lead our brothers towards our greatest brave act – saving ourselves as we save the planet. Yep the two go together.

One good leader can’t do it if the masses beneath him/her are stuck in their Neanderthal male – that is why I’m always encouraging the male half of the masses to wake up – do our growth work. There is a lot at stake but in the meantime you/we will be happier, healthier and feel better about ourselves – our souls will rejoice!

Sadly the sexualizing of Society is accelerating with little concern for present and future generations. Paedophile rings are increasing and make headlines on a regular basis. Porn has become a huge industry with massive “collateral damage.” All males embracing healthy forms of musculinity need to be informed about porn and the harm it does to women, children and even the men who engage in it.

Rather than buying into the underlying themes such as a ”real man” must be a stud, I propose the idea that real, “real men” make a stand against porn, since it is yet another form of “invironmental” pollution for humanity to deal with.

The following is extracted from an excellent article, Men and Porn, in the UK Guardian, written by Edward Marriott . The link to the full article is below; I recommend it.

• 89% of porn is created in the U.S.

• $2.84 billion in revenue was generated from U.S. porn sites in 2006

• $89/second is spent on porn

• 72% of porn viewers are men

• 260 new porn sites go online daily

In the US, with the pornography industry bringing in up to $15bn (£8.9bn) annually, people spend more on porn every year than they do on movie tickets and all the performing arts combined. Each year, in Los Angeles alone, more than 10,000 hardcore pornographic films are made, against an annual Hollywood average of just 400 movies.

Just like drugs, pornography provides a quick fix, a masturbatory universe people can get stuck in. This can result in their not being able to involve anyone else.

Research has shown that boy babies are treated more harshly than their female counterparts and, as they grow up, boys are taught that success is achieved through competition. In order to deal with this harsh masculine world, boys can learn not to trust their own feelings and not to express their emotions. They become suspicious of other men, with whom they’re in competition, after all, and as a result they often feel lonely and isolated.

Yet men, as much as women, hunger for intimacy. For many males, locked into a life in which self-esteem has grown intrinsically entwined with performance, sex assumes an almost unsustainable freight of demands and needs. Not only does the act itself become almost the only means through which many men can feel intimate and close, but it is also the way in which they find validation.

And sex itself, of course, cannot possibly satisfy such demands. It is into this troubled scenario that porn finds such easy access. For in pornography, unlike in real life, there is no criticism, real or imagined, of male performance. Women are always, in the words of the average internet site, “hot and ready”, eager to please. In real life, by contrast, men find women are anything but: they have higher job status, they demand that they be sexually satisfied, and they are increasingly opting to combine career and motherhood.

Unlike real life, the pornographic world is a place in which men find their authority uncallenged and in which women are their willing, even grateful servants.

As our technology exploded so did a whole host of relationship problems…………

Marriot Concludes with a final ironic summary

The average man, of course, whatever his consumption of pornography, is no Bundy. Yet for those who have become addicted, the road to a pornography-free life can be long and arduous. Si Jones advises accountability: “Make your computer accountable, let other people check what you’ve been looking at.”

And the alternative to pornography, says Morgan, is not always easy. “Relationships are difficult. Intimacy, having a good relationship, loving your children, involves work. Pornography is fantasy in the place of reality. But it is just that: fantasy. Pornography is not real, and the only thing human beings get nourishment from is reality: real relationships. And, anyway, what do you want to say when you get to the end of your life? That you wish you’d spent more time wanking on the internet? I hardly think so.”

Extracts from an article “Men and Porn” by Edward Marriott, The Guardian, Saturday November 8, 2003

Full article at http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2003/nov/08/gender.weekend7

The US has Tiger Woods and we have our sorry lots. But I have some compassion for these fallen sports heroes. Don’t get me wrong, I believe they should face the consequences of their actions; I believe they should not be shielded from the law because of their sporting hero status.

However I have long said it takes a whole village or culture to make a boy or man become violent. Yes I’d class all of the actions from the men above as a form of violence. (more about that later in the article). I believe these men are only acting out the larger sickness that is rampant in our society and one which, if unchecked, will prevent humanity from saving the planet and of course itself.

It is worth remembering these men have been immersed in sporting cultures in which attitudes to women, alcohol and physical violence have been unhealthy. These men have not been allowed in their cultures to be authentic—to be “real men.” In fact they probably do not know what authentic really means.

I’ve worked with enough “tough guise” in the form of gang kids or young men in prison, to know that the actions that got them into trouble were not actions connected to their hearts–they had heads filled with silly ideas. When we helped them take off the tough boy masks and showed them ways to get in touch with their hearts, they we able to be authentic for the first time in their lives. An in every case those authentic men were good people.

So what happened to them and the sports heroes mentioned above? The answer is simple although the solution is not. These males have not had enough exposure to older men, to elders who can help them think with their hearts and feel with their minds. They were not pulled into check by their peers because the culture of sport and indeed the Australian male culture, has not allowed the authentic heart-based male to become prominent. In fact such actions of authenticity are usually savaged and silenced by peers because they dared to step outside the “be a man box.”

I believe the culture of sport and the Australia male culture, although it has many wonderful aspects and we should retain those, these cultures are built around what I call unhealthy forms of masculinity—one which in today’s global crises is not sustainable. This is why I’m calling for intelligent and exploratory conversations around sustainable masculinity.

What is a healthy masculinity? A healthy male cares about people of all classes and colour, he cares about the planet and is devoted to finding solutions to global warming and global violence so his children have a future. A healthy male intends to do no harm and when he slips up from his goals he has the courage to clean up his messes—he makes amends.

The men above and all who will make headlines in the following years, have hurt other people, yes selling drugs hurts people, yes having affairs hurts people and yes hitting people and breaking their jaws is extreme violence and their victims will hurt for years to come.

What is not spoken openly about is that the perpetrators hurt also, they hurt their own hearts and their souls are in pain, even if they don’t know it yet. That is why I have some compassion for them. I understand since I have needed to have compassion and forgiveness for my own stupid actions that hurt people I loved.

Fortunately I can speak from how it feels after cleaning up many of my messes.

IT FEELS REALL GOOD

AND that is when I became a “real man.”

Let me be quite clear. This is not a blame game—I’m as guilty as the next bloke. BUT it is time to name something that has been a bad smell for eons and put it on the table so it can be healed—once and for all.

I’m talking about misogyny—many males won’t recognise the word—I didn’t for a long time. In a TV interview one of the world’s greatest peace scholars, international mediator and a founder of peace studies, Johan Galtung, lists misogyny as a major global conflict arena with massive negative consequences.

Growing up in my culture, rural Australia, that was certainly the case. Women and girls were degraded and debased in disgusting male jokes and playground dialogues. The same blokes who drove the bulldozers—ripping the guts out of our forests so farmers could raise and kill more cattle, these same blokes in almost every group dialogue literally spat out their disgust, distrust and ‘lust’ for women. This was sick behaviour!

When we degrade women we degrade the very source of our lives—the womb. Indeed many of the crass male jokes are focused on these parts of a female’s anatomy. But underpinning the sickness is a deeper malaise—degrading the planet, another source of life.

Why would anyone in their ‘right’ mind harm women and destroy the planet? Well the answer is because they are not in their right mind. Their right minds have been pirated and a new program, a nasty virus in fact, has been firmly implanted on the male hard drive. It happened to me when I was a young boy and it is happening today—despite four or five decades of the women’s social equity movement.

Hatred of the feminine is the connection? Women and the planet are the sources of life and sustenance—they are extensions of ourselves. Many indigenous cultures call the planet mother earth. The mindset that causes rape of women or rape of the earth is one and the same.

Unfortunately, today, even though we have embraced democracy and many men have adapted to the idea of women’s equity, the old male mindset is still being programmed into many males; young and old. The narrow lens of that mindset is not broad enough to cope with the diverse problems besetting humanity in modern times.

The old dominator mindset lingers on in many males, showing up everywhere, in the media, law, government, commerce community and even in medicine. This is inevitable since men are still predominantly the leaders in those areas—real change cannot occur until the individuals who are the leaders, change themselves. This is not a quick process.

However you cannot legislate nor bludgeon or shame men into changing – that would be more of the old dominator model – the model that brought us to these huge problems.

Nor is this movement about blame; but rather it is about all of us examining our unhealthy programming so we can think with our hearts and feel with our minds.

The old male mindset is of the mind, not of the heart. It requires a schism in men. It is as fundamentalist and extreme as any religious fundamentalism – it has taken us to the brink of destruction. It is irrational and dangerous.

Under the old male mindset our young boys are programmed to believe that a ‘real man’ is a big drinker—can drink anyone under the table, he is a stud–he gets the women and can ‘go’ all night, he is tough and can fight, he never complains, he will go to war because the enemy is ‘evil’ but he won’t protect the environment—that is for sissies.

In fact protecting the environment means a man has to confront his own mistakes and issues – the old style real man does not do that. That is for sissies—or so the programming says

Our young boys are taught to hate and be angry because the real man hates. He hates because underneath his ‘tough guise’ he is unhappy! He hates pink (that is gay), he hates gay men, he says he loves women but his hatred uses them up, he destroys beauty. And under the macho he hates himself—so he is prone to self destruct—but not before he brings others down with him—and with nuclear weaponry that could be the whole planet.

Can it be changed? You bet, but with a new kind of muscle – heart muscle. With a new kind of fitness – emotional fitness.

How can change occur? With a new kind of mindset – partnership not dominator.

With a wider lens that sees others and the environment as an extension of self. With a return to the original or authentic self – the self that existed before all the negative ‘be a real man’ programming began.

How do I know?  I have seen thousands of boys and men change in the way I’m describing – some were killers, some rapists, some gang members – all were grateful to embrace a healthy and sustainable masculinity—that’s the male challenge.

My website male challenge, challenges male shte world over, (including myself) to lift our game and play our role in creating a safer, saner and sustainable planet.

In htis light I recently watched one of the Tolle series on Oprah. Some years ago I read his book “The Power of Now” and found it inspirational and useful in some ways. However during a Google search, I was appalled to come across, dozens of Christian fundamentalist sites, even short movies, worried about Oprah’s influence, suggesting her Tolle series was the work of the antichrist – that she was the world’s most dangerous woman!  This seems extreme! What do you think?

In the meantime I’m going to watch the entire series to see if what gems might apply to my work in male challenge and sustainable masculinity. Tolle claims new understandings are esposed in his latest book, “A New Earth.”

His popularity seems to stem from his ability to promote eastern spiritual teachings and couch them in language palatable to westerners.

While the concepts and teachings are not new, I often glean new findings when I listen to any modern spiritual teacher who promotes ancient wisdoms couched in language I can relate to.  My job then is to see how it applies to males in the west.  For example—can this knowledge help a young gang kid who appears to love violence and living on the edge?

I’ll let you know – meantime I’d like to hear your comments.