Malechallengemedia's Blog

When I coined the phrase sustainable masculinity I had come to the realisation that the old male mindset was a dominator model and as such was a possible root cause of our environmental and social problems.

I came across a statement by Fred Matser, director of a Dutch NGO. Matser said, ” “The chaos in the environment is a reflection of the disorder in our (humans) minds and hearts (invironment).”

Human destruction of nature is a violence which not only kills innocent species which do not have a voice, but ends up harming ourselves. The rape of and the war against nature harms us because nature is an extension of ourselves. The trees are an extension of our lungs for example.

The old Darwinian mindset combined with the male programming caused us to disconnect from nature, bringing us close to destruction; it may still happen if we don’t change course.

Today environmental scientists are re-learning the ancient wisdom that humans are just a part in a complex web of life. The water, soil, air and all the organisms that help sustain that web are interdependent.

Simply put every one is connected to everything which is connected to everyone and everything.

Messing with or removing any part of the web of life impacts all the other parts.

Unfortunately the old male mindset is still very much alive and needs to be identified and changed for the benefit of all humans and all life on the planet.

The old warrior mindset in recent times is illustrated by George Bush, who genuinely sees himself as the protector against evil. This old mindset requires a war against evil, an external enemy! Bush conveniently identified the axis of evil as ‘over there’ and plunged the world into war.
He refused to acknowledge global warming because saving the environment is “sissies” work according to that mindset.

However positive change is possible in men and is happening as we speak. Because I’ve witnessed the great changes among men who have become more conscious I know it to be possible on a larger scale and that is what is needed now.

In an atmosphere of no blame the work of becoming more conscious, requires men and boys to find the authentic self under the layers of programming we have received as males. The programming is not us!

Even in prisons and youth detention centres, when I have witnessed this process of males becoming authentic, the person revealed when the masks are dropped, is inevitably a good person more in touch with their humanity.

As men become conscious a valuable part of our growth work identifying the “shadow” or evil side of ourselves so it is no longer unconscious.

As integrated men we have harmonious relationships with ourselves, loved ones and with nature. We take ownership to our shadows and help others do the same then we no longer project evil onto an external target like Bush and his ilk.

As we adopt the partnership societal model we will realise that war, any war, the war against evil, against nature, youth crime, poverty or cancer are all lost battles; they come from an old male mindset no longer appropriate.

Thus a sustainable form of masculinity is foundational to the New Male Paradigm.

While living in the USA I regularly attended NVC (non-violent communication) workshops led by Marshall Rosenberg (See his Video below) He’s a great elder male and I like to think I’ve stood on his shoulders and taken his work a little further. I’ve done some workshops entitled ‘Beyond NVC’

Unfortunately I’ve also found people have used his NVC methods to win arguments which defeats the purpose so we need to be aware of that tendency in ourselves.

Here are ten behaviours we can do to improve our relationships with self and others.

10 Things We Can Do to Contribute to Internal, Interpersonal, and Organizational Peace

(1) Spend some time each day quietly reflecting on how we would like to relate to ourselves and others.

(2) Remember that all human beings have the same needs. (See Max Neef’s Nine Needs)

(3) Check our intention to see if we are as interested in others getting their needs met as our own.

(4) When asking someone to do something, check first to see if we are making a request or a demand.

(5) Instead of saying what we DON’T want someone to do, say what we DO want the person to do.

(6) Instead of saying what we want someone to BE, say what action we’d like the person to take that we hope will help the person be that way.

(7) Before agreeing or disagreeing with anyone’s opinions, try to tune in to what the person is feeling and needing.

(8) Instead of saying “No,” say what need of ours prevents us from saying “Yes.”

(9) If we are feeling upset, think about what need of ours is not being met, and what we could do to meet it, instead of thinking about what’s wrong with others or ourselves.

(10) Instead of praising someone who did something we like, express our gratitude by telling the person what need of ours that action met.

The Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC) would like there to be a critical mass of people using Nonviolent Communication language so all people will get their needs met and resolve their conflicts peacefully.

2001, revised 2004 Gary Baran & CNVC. The right to freely duplicate this document is hereby granted.

As part of my goal to model good male behaviour, I’d like to do a post about my partner, Grace Gawler, world pioneer of supportive care medicine for cancer patients.

Grace has lived a big life of service and yet remains, at 56, a natural beauty both inside and out.

I’ve never been the recipient of such love from any woman nor have her cancer patients, numbering over 13,000 by now.

Grace & Pip before Grace's Keynote address to Olivia Newton John and ASPA

Please be sure to view her moving video at the bottom of the post and later go to YouTube to see her remaining 9 videos – including faith healers in the Philippines and more.

A life lived with Grace and integrity – a recipe for excellence – how to create a cancer recovery expert – by Pip Cornall
This is a recipe for cooking up a world pioneer in supportive care medicine for cancer patients, you’ll replicate an amazing healer – one who has helped and continues to help thousands of people find hope and thrive their way through the cancer journey. It is a rich and amazing recipe ……I hope you read on.
The recipe:
Take a beautiful young veterinary nurse and part time model preparing to study vet science at university, put that career on hold to marry a one legged dying man, add in numerous trips to the Philippines with that same dying and cancer riddled husband, blend in years of special training by Filipino healers, stir in some trips to holy men in India and sacred sites in Europe.

Now fry up on low heat a distinction level in naturopathy and herbal medicine and a deepening relationship with Australian alternative herbal medicine legend and pioneer, Dorothy Hall, toss in studies of anatomy, physiology, pathology, chemistry and biology,  simmer a long dose of training with the doyen of US body psychotherapy, Dr Ilana Rubenfeld, cook at low heat and combine a dash of the experience gleaned from working intensively with over 13,000 cancer patients, in many corners of the globe, sauté with ginger the breathtaking speeches to therapists, doctors, nurses, oncologists and scientists.

Blend in – stirring carefully –  22 years caring for that same once dying husband, keeping him cancer free, sprinkle in the raising of 4 fine kids – all adults now, (that equals lots of carrying kids, and shopping and farm tools, when the one legged husband has two hands on his crutches) cook this life up for 35 years, stir in an impeccable memory, a super IQ, a steadfast will,  3 books including a best selling book, still ahead of its time and her astounding memoirs which describe in details those remarkable 35 years.

Finally shake it all up with a personal triumph over a surgically induced life threatening condition, 13 years of medical adversity including 20 surgeries, add all the ingredients I’ve forgotten (because I’m a mere man) and more.

Congratulations – You have just cooked up a world leader in cancer recovery, cancer prevention, wellness and longevity….and what a dish she is.

Seriously, I’ve long puzzled over the brilliance and efficacy of Grace’s work – her success with cancer patients, her wonderful books and her leadership in wellness and longevity, her ability to hold diverse audiences spellbound – I’ve searched to find the reasons why her results are so good. The more I researched her remarkable life, the more I understood that unless all the ingredients are present the recipe is lacking.

In other words, Grace draws upon ALL the components in the recipe each time she helps a patient recover – each time she makes a keynote speech in Asia, Australia or Europe; in other words you would have to live that remarkable life of hers to bring all those gifts to the healing table.

As Grace’s lucky, lucky, lucky partner I’m continually amazed by her scope and skill. I get to read the emails of gratitude and I hear the comments people make, I watch the crowds listen spellbound in her keynote addresses, I witness the families she helps for free who cannot pay.

From what I’ve seen, if I got cancer or wanted to avoid it – if I wanted to develop and maintain best health for the rest of my life I’d employ Grace as my life wellness coach. Then I’d follow what she said, sit back, relax and enjoy life knowing my wellness was in the best possible hands.

What’s more – if Grace were a man she’d be knighted by now!

See www.gracegawler.com

On YouTube see Grace Gawler’s 10 posts

Her memoirs –

Great Male Role Models

I attended a training with Jackson Katz while living in Oregon in the 90’s. His work inspired me to write my books and develop Male Challenge. We stay connected through email and occasional phone calls.

This is one of three great Male Challenge animations on Youtube – put together as a project – thanks to the boys up at Griffith University Film School

Great Male Role Models

I’ve been chatting with Joe in recent years about supporting each others work with boys and am honoured to know him and learn from his approach.

Please treat yourself to the excellent videos and share with other males – you’ll be amazed and your heart will be touched!

Joe Ehrmann (born March 29, 1949) is a former NFL defensive lineman, originally drafted as the 10th pick in the first round of the 1973 NFL Draft out of Syracuse University to the Baltimore Colts. Ehrmann played with Baltimore for eight years, and was selected to the Pro Bowl in 1978. He finished his NFL career with the Detroit Lions as part of their vaunted defensive line in the early 1980s. He was a National Football League defensive tackle from 1973 through 1982. He then played in the USFL for the Chicago Blitz, Arizona Wranglers and Orlando Renegades.

In the same year Ehrmann played in the Pro Bowl, he watched his brother Billy lose his fight with cancer. This experience caused Ehrmann to rethink and reorder his priorities in life. Ehrmann spearheaded the construction of a Ronald McDonald House in Baltimore in memory of Billy. In the off-season, Ehrmann attended classes at Dallas Theological Seminary and, following his football career, he graduated from Westminster Theological Seminary in Philadelphia, specializing in urban ministry. He was ordained in 1985.

In the years since then, Joe and his wife Paula created Building Men and Women for Others, an organization that addesses many societal challenges including violence, child advocacy, and much more. They also co-founded “The Door,” a community center in inner-city Baltimore. He has also served as a pastor of the 4,000-member Grace Fellowship Church in Baltimore.

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Great male role models

Johan Galtung (born 24 October 1930) is a Norwegian mathematician and sociologist and a principal founder of the discipline of peace and conflict studies.

SEE VIDEO BELOW…

AN INTRODUCTION TO DR. JOHAN GALTUNG

Johan Galtung is one of those rare individuals who manages to integrate
rigorous scholarship and research, the development of innovative
educational programs around the world, social activism, and high level
consultation/mediation in many of the world’s major trouble spots.  He
is  generally regarded as the father of modern peace research and
education, having founded the world’s first Peace Research Institute in
Oslo in 1959,  which remains one of the leading institutes of its kind.
Over the past 40  years his bibliography requires a book in itself,
identifying 95 books and  over 1000 articles.  One of the many
innovative concepts and terms developed  by Professor Galtung that has
become widely known is that of structural  violence, first articulated
in his book by that title.  His writings  reflect original thinking
across an incredibly broad range of issues – the  European Community as
an emerging superpower, violence and imperialism,  terrorism,
non-violent defence, Gandhi, alternatives to NATO, the SALT
Negotiations, methodology in sociology, economic sanctions, peace
culture,  and the role of the media in peace and conflict situations –
to name but a  few.

His scholarship and personal support have led to the development of
many  university based peace study programmes around the world.  He
currently  holds academic positions in Germany, Japan, Italy, China,
Sweden and  Norway.  His training programmes have been provided to
various UN missions,  as well as government officials, NGOs, and
journalists around the world.   However, Professor Galtung is no
armchair academic.  His involvement in  advising governments and
conflict protagonists span four decades, and  inform his conceptual
works.  Professor Galtung understands the real life  practical aspects
of deadly conflicts, and the difficulties of both  preventing violence
from occurring, as well as attempting to return to  normalcy after
violence has erupted.

He has acted as an expert consultant in such diverse conflict situations
as  Somalia, Yugoslavia, Northern Ireland, South Caucasus, the Basque
area in  Spain and France, Lebanon, Sri Lanka, the Israeli-Palestinian
conflict, and  those dealing with China, Tibet and Taiwan.  He has been
involved in over 20  visits to both North and South Korea since 1972.
His last two visits were  with Kim Dae Jung as President of South Korea,
where issues of  reconciliation were discussed.  (In August, Professor
Galtung is scheduled  to conduct training sessions in Pyongyang and on
the PeaceBoat during a  cruise from Japan to North Korea and back-on
conflict transformation and  reconciliation).

Professor Galtung was also instrumental in helping to bring a peaceful
end  to the series of four border wars between Peru and Ecuador – his
suggestion  of transforming the disputed territory into a jointly
administered nature  park was written into a treaty between the two
countries in 1999.   In  addition to being recognized with various
honorary degrees, Professor  Galtung is also the recipient of the Right
Livelihood Award (aka the  Alternative Nobel Peace Prize) in 1987, the
Norwegian Humanist Prize in    1988, the Socrates Prize for Adult
Education in 1990, the Bajaj  International Award for Promoting Gandhian
Values in 1993, the Alo’ha  International Award in 1995, and ten
honorary doctorates.   Early in his  career, Professor Galtung was an
active journalist, and has since  collaborated with the BBC World
Service.

He is currently the Director of TRANSCEND, an international Peace and
Development Network.  The website for TRANSCEND is located at
http://www.transcend.org .  TRANSCEND Approach manuals:

Great male role models

I attended an excellent training with Kai in BC, Canada, 2006. I’m very impressed with his peace building skills and want to introduce him to males seeking global peace by peaceful means.

Kai Brand-Jacobsen is Director of the Peace Action, Training and Research Institute of Romania (PATRIR) and is Co-Director of Transcend, a development organization dedicated to resolving conflict by peaceful means.

Great male role models

I met Aaron at the Global Summit for the Department of Peace Initiative on Vancouver Island, BC, Canada in 2006.

Aaron is doing great work in schools and communities and I post his video below. he can be widely found on the internet should you wish to join him.

Great male role models

Male challenge challenges older  males to evolve consciously and then help young males along their path to conscious manhood.

In my work with the Internationale Department of Peace Initiatives I’ve had the honour to attend training with one of Johan Galtung’s protege, Kai Brand Jacobsen.

Impressed by what I learned I’ve studied Johan’s work and we have emailed on several occasions. In 2007, while at Washington DC trying to launch the peace bill in the senate and congress I handed Dem house speaker, Nancy Pelosi a letter asking that she communicate with Johan as adviser for US peace and conflict resolutions policy. Johan had indicated to me that he was willing.

Johan Galtung is regarded by many as a father of modern peace studies.

I’ll be trying to get Obama to do the same.

So I post Johan’s video and hope you learn about a new field – peace journalism- this can then be conveyed to younger males. I look forward to meeting Johan and regard him as a great elder role model for males.

Let’s achieve Peace by Peaceful Means as Johan says!